And that heaven is overrated

I'm so tired from work right now and my feet stink from my shoes!
I bought Toms today, i know i shouldn't be spending money.. but i needed new white shoes anyways.

You know what i've come to realized? That i'm more happy when i'm not with him. When i'm with him, i'm just frustrated and angry. I noticed this because i would always walk into work, angry and frustrated from the car ride with him. But as soon as i time in, i'm myself again. So what does this all mean? Please someone tell me.

Everyone says i shouldn't be saying the things i do because it hurts him. But don't you guys think that it hurts me as well to even have these thoughts inside of me? I shouldn't have to think and over analyze this relationship but sadly i am. It hurts me to question everyday whether or not it's really worth my time. It hurts me when i have to turn to a stupid blog to express myself. And yes, HE DOES READ MY BLOGS (for those wondering). I know he does. I know it hurts. I know and i still do it because the truth has to come out sooner or later. I rather he be with me knowing that i question our relationship everyday rather than pretend that i'm happy even though i'm not.

Honestly, i'm not happy. I know i've told you many times (and it's annoying) but it's the truth. I've tried to smile and pretend that everything's okay. But i know it's not. You say "I don't understand what's wrong? Why are you unhappy?" but i don't know either. All i know is i should be happy. Happy that i'm with such a great guy that loves me. Happy that we're finally graduating and going to post secondary together. Happy that we love each other. Happy that we trust each other. Happy that we're in love. But i'm not...

So what's next?